there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
