the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
