I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
