It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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