i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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