why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
