On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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