he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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