This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
