I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
