i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
