Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
