Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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