All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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