listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
