i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Text me some of your sweat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
