Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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