I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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