But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
