So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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