You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
