Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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