Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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