For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
