I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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