so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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