you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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