I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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