I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
