$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
