I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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