Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
