Non-Jews are for practice
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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