I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
