You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
