I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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