she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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