he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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