I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
