just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my liver is dry heaving
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
