Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
