I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
