batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
