The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
