I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
