Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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