You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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