Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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