WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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