Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
